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I was once asked by a women’s magazine street surveyor if I was a die hard shopper.

I don’t like lining up to pay, I don’t like paying too much, I don’t like the effect of big brands or corporations, I don’t like consumer crowds, I don’t like malls, I don’t like trying on lots of clothes, I don’t I don’t I don’t…

Once I finished my rant, the barbie doll holding the clipboard made a big X under ‘no’ and approached another passer-by. That encounter stuck with me and I’ve always thought of myself as a ‘shop when I have to’ kind of gal.

Just looking at this makes me tense up - too much shoppiing!

But sometimes, entering a mall is simply a requirement. Recently when I was in Kota Kinabalu, I needed a pen. Not exactly a big purchase but I couldn’t find one in the 7-11′s or any of the high street stores, so I was forced to enter one of their many malls hidden within the town center. It was a dated mall with black and gold stenciled mirrors and chrome rails lining the stairwell. Escalators doubled back on one another, all the way up to the 5th floor. As soon as I saw the crowds cruising along the pastel coloured walkways, I knew I had to get directions for a my purchase and an immediate exit. Finding the fastest way in and the fastest way out is crucial for me. Several years ago in Singapore I had my first panic attack in a shopping mall, and I never wish to repeat those sweats. And why panic? Perhaps it’s the crowds, perhaps in the inevability that I will be handing over my hard earned money. Deep down I think it’s the fear of conforming with all drone like shoppers, giving in to media pressures for unnecessary material items.

I got directions to a pen selling store from a girl leaning against a wall and consolidating her purchases into one large bag. 2 minutes later, I was lost. I asked a security guard where the pen selling store was and he pointed to the escalator-apparently I had forgotten the last level. I joined the funnel of people climbing up to the top floor of never ending stores, grinding my teeth and clenching my fists along the way. The store was a department store with sections of underwear and cutlery sets on display. The rows in behind had a full spectrum of folded towels and bathroom accessories. I turned and saw tupperware. I turned again and saw baskets. I turned again and saw no pens-my shopping nightmare was becoming a reality. I looked over at the cashiers desk to see if she had left any writing utensils unattended-it might be easier to ‘borrow’ one and forget to return it. I saw nothing. “All I need is a fucking pen!” I mumbled out loud. I looked around a few more aisles and latched onto the book section, hoping it might lead to the pens. In addition to feeling lost and frustrated, I felt sweat rolling down the back of my neck. The shopping mall air con was no longer having an effect. I stopped in my tracks, took a deep breath and closed my eyes. Thankfully, it was that moment that a sales attendant spotted me. A few minutes later I found my way onto the street, with a bag of pens in hand.

Kota Kinabalu, Sabah Malaysia

Manilla, Philippines

Cebu City, Phillipines

These shopping mall fears don’t always take over. If I’m in the right mood, I can put up with a quick tour. On another day in Kota Kinabalu, I was looking for a pair of gloves and a warm hat for the mountain climb. The mall I entered was spacious and the crowds were sparse; I was calm. I surveyed every store looking for my specific items. What immediately struck me were the store names; some were direct and to the point while others used imagery and association I found entertaining. I wonder if the white haired Kenny Rogers knows about the chain of chicken eateries in his name? And is NYC really known as the coffee center?

Malls are such a part of life in Asia. Families come for a full day just as the designers hoped. Stepping out of the humidity and smog and people crowding the streets to be greeted by air conditioning, clean walkways and a full assortment of food and shops-is appealling. But it doesn’t stop there. Malls in the bigger cities have cinemas, theme parks and their own internal transport system. They are not just destinations to buy buy buy, well actually they are, but you’re encouraged to buy and do and see at the same time.

As a backpacker I have always thought of malls as the last place on earth I would go and see. I don’t travel to the other side of the world to buy everything l could also buy at home. I don’t want to carry extra stuff, I don’t have an unlimited money source and I don’t want to give up my money spending on experiences for material treats. There’s that non shopper attitude again eh? But having stepped into more malls in a few weeks than I have in the last few years, perhaps it’s time for me to adapt my ways. I’ll admit, there is a lot to be learned from the shopping mall culture.

But do I really want to be a part of the shopping mall culture? The entrances at the SM MegaMall in Cebu City Philippines were a slight turn off. With male and female doorways guarded by security officers enforcing a bag check, all I could think of was how they would react to a toy gun in my bag. Or if I were a closet alcoholic with mini bottles beside my change purse would they stop me at the door? Nobody seemed too bothered, they just followed the flow. Forward bound in a zombie like shuffle as they thought about the stores ahead. Must buy must spend must walk must buy must spend must walk. I spent at least an hour in the maze of stores. I tried on some shoes, spritzed myself with perfume and only dug out my wallet once. Ironically, it was in a Filipino tourist store called ‘Kultura’. I bought a bottle of coconut booze.

There was one mall that I didn’t get a chance to check out, and get this- I wish I had. The Ayala Center in Cebu City Philippines is known for green terraces and trees within the center. It’s this feature that draws me to the mall, not the big brands. I guess I’m more of a Canadian tree hugger than I thought! But it is still a mall, and on an average day more than 85,000 people visit Ayala Center , with the figure increasing to 135,000 on weekends. The Philippines might just be the center of the SouthEast Asian shopping mall syndrome. I glaned over the list of the world’s largest shopping malls and discovered that four of the top eleven are from the Philippines. I’ll have to brace myself a little more for those visits.

MegaMall Cebu City

Mega ads for upcoming mal, Manilla Philippines

Ayala Center Cebu City Philippines

It's a lego display of the Philippines; MegaMall Cebu City

My experiences with malls are still stuck in the love hate limbo. I appreciate their air conditioning, their toilets and the food court on occasion. I recognize that different parts of the world have features that appeal to the general public. I’ve been spoiled with some beautiful ocean and trees in Vancouver, and that’s an environment I’d prefer to hang out in. Perhaps if I had more money to spend I wouldn’t cringe so much. Perhaps if I were a size 2 figure, I’d be more keen….until that happens, I’ll winge whenever I can. Malls are not for me.