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Last June I posted a blog about a date gone wrong and how it really molded my impression of the dating scene in Vancouver. I acknowledge it’s not just in Vancouver that the dating scene can be a singleton’s nightmare. There is always a scenario or situation that can lead people down the path of, “it’s just not worth it”.

For me, it only took a couple of situations to push me into avoiding the man market all together. Call me a pessimist, a purist or simply a person marked by personal history; at the end of the day, I don’t enjoy the process of perusing the bars or the online sites. I considered switching sides as a possible easier option, but got stumped on the initial attraction stage. I considered being single for the rest of my life, but felt a ‘sorry for myself attitude’ didn’t fit into my happy go lucky character. So I faced the truth. I re-entered the dating world by registering online. Thankfully, potential matches didn’t hear my groans and gag-me responses from reading their profiles.

Eight weeks later, I can officially report that my approach has changed.

After completing my own profile I decided to contact 20 guys that I thought looked decent. I checked in frequently thereafter to see who might reciprocate an interest, but was faced with a big fat zero in responses. Of course, I then mocked the system and bitched to my girlfriends that online was another failed attempt for me.

“Why can’t blokes see a normal, kind hearted and adventurous gal doing cartwheels in front of them?” I asked.

I suppose being one of thousands of faces in a catalog of hope isn’t exactly doing cartwheels – but I was there wasn’t I? “Impatient” they would say back, just meet a few of the guys for the practice of communicating and dating. ‘Blah blah blah’ I thought…but followed through.

The first guy I met in person was somebody I would have contacted first, had I not been guided by my gals to ‘let him come to you’. Rules of dating 101. His profile showed off a unique style; he looked like a man that embraced life in every form. I arrived early and spent all of the time trying to look calm, cool and collected. As he walked off the street into the coffee shop, I let my head drop in concentration. Trying to be casual and not let nerves take over the scenario of the hottest looking dude approaching my table, wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be. Lucky for me, he turned out to be a normal, kind-hearted man that made me feel comfortable immediately.

Fast track a few weeks, and there have been some dinners, some parties, some conversations that kept going. There are sparks, there is respect and there is hope. With my tail between my legs I hereby declare that the dating world isn’t so bad after all.

So what was my big hang-up? I needed to separate the cruising, the multiple dating and the dedicated dating in order to turn my fear and loathing of hooking up, into excitement. I’m now re-educating myself with how different men and women think, and yes, it’s a frickin rollercoaster as I face new emotions and walls come down – but, my tail is now wagging with excitement for whatever is to come. I’ve found somebody that adds inspiration to my day, just by being himself.

So my new attitude is simple: Multiple dating in whatever form is tiresome especially if you have beliefs and values of a real and immediate connection. Singular dating is exciting if that connection is there. Lucky for me, the man of the moment (also known as the first online guy I met in person) checks the connection box and then some. So my hope is restored. I can now say I’m embracing each day of dating as it comes.

Dating has given me multiple worst-case scenario stories to be entertained by. Maybe I’ll have a book about them one day.

Dating is now giving me confidence in myself that holding out, and sticking to my guns, has been worth it. Maybe I’ll have a book about this, one day. Fingers crossed.

Fiona Scott
Babe With A Backpack